Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
