i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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