i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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