Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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