then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
