Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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