I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
