Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
