Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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