You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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