your room smells of hookers.
And success
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
