I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
