Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he thought i was a dude.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
