you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
