I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
