can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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