i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
