Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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