if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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