Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
