Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
