just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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