I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
