Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
