you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
