He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
