Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
