I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
be right there i have to get my cape
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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