yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
