If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
