How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
