He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
