all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
