You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
