In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if only i could text you this smell
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
