even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Actions speak louder than pants.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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