Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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