At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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