I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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