I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
