It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
