it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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