We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
