you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
