i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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