cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
