He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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