Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.