I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?