If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson