i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma