my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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