maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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