if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
