I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
