my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You can't motorboat a personality
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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