Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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