We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
