Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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