Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
