is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
