Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
