I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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