there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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