if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
