I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
