I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
