He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
