she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
