R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
