theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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