I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
