Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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