Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
