I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
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