saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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