fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
