So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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