In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
